Hello World

Iv struggled with some bad thoughts today, deep down i dont want to die, these thoughts were in my head from the minute i woke up. I had had a bad dreams, i only remembered some of it.. Id really like to talk to some1 about it, my doctor is great she trys so hard to get me help but, has she puts it im not a danger to the public so im not a priorty for help. This does worry me because my benifits are changing, and my DLA is coming to the end im allowed it for, i have to reclaim for it, when i got it i had support people helping me to get it now im on my own. The furthist iv been from my flat in 3years is half a mile. Its down to my condition, agrophobia. I feel safe and well at home, when i do go out i get very self concious, i sweat alot, and people notice me getting into a state i get some awful looks. So i limit the times a go out, i put xtra food in my friends freezer so i dont have to shop to often. The only other times i go out is to the chemist to fetch my meds. I cant remember the last time i went out just to have fun. This means im a lone most the time at home, leaving me to talk and listen to myself which isnt good. I have a twitter account but i dont talk reality with them, i talk about other things. If my good mates think im wired and mad then God knows what strangers think of me. So all my thoughts are left to bury temselves further into myself